I had an interview yesterday for a job I would really *love* to have. I didn't think it was my best interview ever: I used to feel confident that I gave good interview, but no longer do. I am always wondering if people notice my Dead Leg as much as I do. I feel as though it is the first thing everyone else sees, and I assume they fixate on it. Logically, I am aware that this might not be the case, but emotionally? I don't buy it.
My physio gave me an assignment; I had to visualise the Dead Leg, and take a really good look at it, comparing the internal picture I have of it to the one I have of my more normal but still arthritic Good Leg. I see a gigantic spongy bruised-looking lump for a knee, a pencil-slender stalk for the calf/shin, and my foot looks like a big, flapping rubber mat, hitting the ground with a SPLAP! as I limp around inside of my head. No wonder I don't trust the Dead Leg; no wonder it doesn't feel functional, and looms so large on my emotional landscape.
I hope that the Dead Leg didn't take over during the interview; it is almost as though I have another personality, a really intrusive, loud one, that elbows its way to the front of me. Maybe if I can learn to love the Dead Leg, it will simmer down and quit trying to take over. Easier said than done, but I'll start today, and the first thing I'll do is plug in my electric blanket so that DL is warm.
